EX-DICTATORS ENJOY INTRIGUE, CONQUEST

Face off against U.S. High School Students in games of Mayhem, Murder, Torture and Genocide

St Helena, UK (NWN) Exiled Dictators to this island paradise do not simply retire with members of their retinue and portions of their ill-gotten gains. Rather they enjoy their remaining time by competing in virtual games designed to simulate the lives they lived in their third-world hell-holes.

Established by the United Nations to house murderous dictators who have voluntarily given up their positions before being forcibly ousted by the United States military and executed by their outraged citizens, St Helena allows each dictator to build and maintain palaces with their concealed slush funds.

“I can’t think of a better use for the staggering amount of money that was given to these fellows by the working people in first world countries,” said U.N. Director of Dictator Affairs, Jerzy Kaplinski. “These vast funds in Swiss banks will now go to their original intended compassionate use -- assuring that these dictators merely enjoy themselves without wrecking their countries.”

The U.N. allows the murderous tyrants to hire obsequious servants played by aspiring Hollywood actors and, more to the point, actresses and also encourages periodic visits by sycophantic professors and news anchors. More importantly, the U.N. provides “interns” who carry out “virtual” orders against the murderous tyrants’ “virtual” enemies in specially designed, on-line games played against U.S. High School students.

“It’s a great way to keep these guys occupied in retirement,” said Dr. Hildegaard Steinmesser, M.D. , the Psychiatrist who oversees the Island’s medical operations, recreational activities and security arrangements. “These are not the types who simply want to play golf or bridge or enjoy good music. For them, retirement is active, it still brings all their normal desires for mass murder, subjugation and torture as well as for the rapt idolatry by western intellecutals and visits by Jimmy Carter that they have become accustomed to. These games are perfect modes of therapy, they fill their needs quite nicely.”

One recently deposed dictator, Fidel Castro of Cuba, proudly showed off his game to visiting reporters. “See here,” he said, pointing to a large computer screen revealing a map of the United States. “I just push this button on the keyboard and poof, the whole U.S. is incinerated by nuclear bombs.”

Dr. Steinmesser explained that while Fidel likes to “Nuke” the U.S. a few times per day, he is actually a very sophisticated player of the virtual dictator games Cuban Caligula. We’ve put our best player, Bobby “Snuffles” Jones against Fidel and it’s always a really tough match,” said Dr. Steinmesser. “Bobby is one of the best, but every time he tries to create an underground economy, Fidel crushes him. Fidel has had him murdered for everything from trying to deliver aspirin to elderly patients to selling infant formula on the black market. Fidel is really a world class game player.”

Jones, the 15 year old son of a sociology professor at the University of California is a sophomore at University High School in Irvine. He stated: “My Dad tells me that Castro was a great leader, but to me he is just one amazing tyrant. I have all the Cuban people,” Jones explained, “and Fidel has his regime. You’d think I would win once in awhile but the guy has wiped me out fifteen
times in a row!”

Other St Helena dictators who enjoy on-line games include Saudi Arabia’s Prince Faud playing Wahhabi Warlocks against Melissa Abramowitz of Jefferson High in Little Rock Arkansas, former President Jiang Zemin of China playing Taiwan Terror Twostep against Merriam Ming of Joe Stilwell High School in Chicago and former North Korean Dictator Kim Jong Il playing Porno Ring Destructo Man against Wendy Lee of Douglas MacArthur High School in Los Angeles.